smoke

I am ready for whatever this cloud is above us to dissipate. I am ready for a turn. I've been thinking about the power of our own doing. Our own creating and desiring. I am not really sure why I have fought off depression more this year than I have before. I think part of it is stemmed in a sense of disappointment. We hold onto things so tightly and take so much for granted. Ten years ago I would never have known or seen in myself the things that I love in me today. But even after finding those things in me, sometimes I get lost. I forget. Today a friend of mine sent me a message asking if I was okay. She had detected from my statements on Facebook that perhaps my shoulders felt heavy. And in an exchange of text messages I was able to very simply identify the root of my exhaustion. The deep "why" is that I'm not taking care of myself as I should, and it feels like I don't know where to start. And she suggested I start with paying attention to my breath. That is something I can do. So when I am starting to get scared or overwhelmed with the load of life, I will remember to breathe. I'll try to.

And the cloud will dissipate. Perhaps I'll just blow it away.

On an additional note: can you find the man in this picture? His work is brilliant.

More here.