musical heart

I'm hoping that some of the experiences of this week sink in deep and leave a lasting impression on my perspective. First of all, I am amazed over and over the lessons I am learning with my lover. This morning he showed me the grace of forgiveness. I have not realized how heavy guilt is. It can be the elephant in the room, you're carrying. For me it manifests itself in deep seeded self doubt. Right now I'm trying to wrap my head around my own self doubt. There are days, weeks, maybe even months that I feel confident and strong and relaxed about my life and the choices I am making. And other times I feel like everything I am doing is in question or flux.

My grandmother's dying words to me were "take care of yourself, you're the only one who can do that." I feel like every few weeks I understand that in a new way. The current interpretation is "love yourself, chill out, and have some faith that this relationship you're in is about each of you growing into new lessons." I didn't realize how hard it can be to hurt someone, to cause them stress and to know what you've done might cause some damage that needs to heal. But the toughest part of that for me is owning my behaviour and apologizing. I don't remember the last time I really said I'm sorry. But I had no idea how liberating it can be too. One thing I keep seeing in this relationship is a willingness on both of our parts to step forward and take on our own flaws as well as accept each other. It's kind of amazing what having a true partner can teach you about yourself. But the one we each get a little stronger at is accepting ourselves. So this week, in the spirit of loving and accepting myself, it has been a music week. So please enjoy a few items that have been part of my week.

Pixies concert - this is a fun animated video for my favorite song.

gerry at open mic